“He’s such an asshole!” Jodie declared between mouthfuls of fried rice. They sprawled out on top of her floral duvet and watched Spice World while eating, but the volume was lowered each time that she ranted. “He’s on the top three list of biggest assholes I know.”
“Who’s in the number one spot?” Mitch poked at his own food with no interest in it, pushing around a water chestnut with the prongs of his fork.
“Toby.”
“Wow!” Mitch laughed. “You said that with absolutely no hesitation!”
“You have a type!” Spearing a piece of pork, she examined it with disdain before shoving it into her mouth. “And apparently, I like to introduce them to you! ‘Hey shitty boys! Here’s my very dumb, very gay friend with abysmal self-esteem issues. Have at ‘im!’.” She set her fork down and put her head in her hands. “Dude, maybe I’m the number one asshole that I know.”
“You’re my number one asshole.” That statement got her to look back up, and she shot him a withering glare.
“REALLY?” Pivoting, she put her feet against Mitch’s torso and pushed him towards the edge of the mattress. “Me? It isn’t Toby?!”
“It’s definitely Toby.” He laughed even harder, and Jodie stopped.
“Aside from all that crying earlier, you’re actually taking this pretty well. Do you need anything, like ice cream?”
“I.” Pursing his lips, Mitch gave it some thought. “I don’t know. It hasn’t fully sunk in? But at the same time, I could kinda feel this coming.”
“You said you wouldn’t try to fix this the next time it happened.” She lifted her fork again, pointing it directly at him, her teeth gnashing as she spoke. “You told me to hold you to that.”
“I know, I know.” Mitch raised his free hand in surrender, and she lowered her arm. “Part of me is weirdly relieved, because I’m too tired to keep fighting for us anymore. I’ve been so desperate to make the past 5 years mean something, and it didn’t matter. Goes out with a whimper instead of a bang. I dunno. It sucks.”
“He never deserved the effort.” Somehow, Mitch knew the next part before she even said it, and he braced himself. “Especially after he cheated on you. WITH TOBY.”
“Fuckin’ Toby,” sighed Mitch.
“FUCKIN’ TOBY!” They both giggled in unison at the outburst, but it was short lived. Jodie’s eyes flicked down at her phone, then back up at Mitch. “Speaking of Tobes, he texted me earlier. Guess he got word about what happened to you, and wanted to check in.”
“Did you tell him anything?” Mitch turned his attention back to the movie, pretending to be unaffected at the mention of his other ex’s name.
“Hell no!” She frowned. “We don’t talk anymore, so it was weird. I think he still follows the promotion on Twitter. I should block his ass.”
“It’s OK if you do.” Mitch grabbed the remote and turned the volume up a few notches. “Like, talk to him or tell him about me. I don’t really care.”
“You’re so fucked up.” Taking back the remote, Jodie turned the volume down once more. Her face twisted in hesitation, which meant bad news. Jodie typically didn’t tip-toe, but over time she’d been working on tactfulness. So a pause meant that Jodie was attempting a valiant effort at employing sensitivity rather than letting the first thought fly out of her mouth. It meant that whatever she was about to say was heavier than she knew how to express. “Look, we gotta talk for real, though. Did you ever find another sponsor? Because I reaaally think you should.”
“No,” Mitch admitted, sinking down against the headboard. “I haven’t had the time. And I mean, Toby never like…cut me off or anything. I could still talk to him if I needed to, he was actually really good at being supportive and giving advice and-”
“HE’S YOUR EX. THAT FUCKED YOUR OTHER NOW EX. Oh my god, I’m going to gouge my own eyes out. You are the dumbest smart person that I know.”
“Look, it made sense at the time! We were good friends after it ended, and he’d been through it too and I think he was really trying to help, y’know?” As Mitch continued, Jodie groaned. “And how was I supposed to know that he and Calvin had been fucking all over the apartment for several months…goddammit, I really am dumb, huh?”
“YES!” Jodie threw her hands up. “YOU REALLY ARE.”
WITH TOBY.
WITH.
TOBY.